All I Want for Christmas

To the tune of "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth":

All I want for Christmas is two big ol' boobs
A tiny waist and sexy legs.
All I want for Christmas is a perfect face
So please bring me a plastic surgeon

Dear Santa,

Is it ethical for me to have plastic surgery?

For that matter, is it right to wear make-up? I cover up age spots with foundation. Am I capitulating to the culture that elevates youth and physical beauty?

Or is it simply adornment? If I may wear a necklace to accent my appearance, why is it wrong to camouflage or eliminate unsightly elements?

It's fine to wear jewelry and make-up. Even plastic surgery is acceptable, especially if the goal is to hide signs of aging and not to meet culture's unnatural vision of perfection.

Here's the problem. Our culture says a woman's value is tied up in her appearance. When I watch an aging male broadcaster on TV, I think, "He's wise and experienced." When I see an aging female, I think, "She should have some work done." I hope I can teach my children better. I want them to judge both women and men by their character, not by appearance.

So Santa, what I'd really like is equal treatment for women. Will that fit in my stocking?

Hear Me Roar

Last week, my eight-year old daughter and I watched Katy Perry's "Roar" video on my smart phone. I forgot that I had forbidden her to watch pop music videos. By the end of the song, I remembered why.

At the beginning of the video, Perry and a young man are exploring the jungle. He's soon taken out of the picture by a tiger, and the rest of the video focuses on Ms.Perry's exploits. She hunts, builds herself a hut, and tames animals. I like the idea that a woman can survive on her own. But may I speak to someone in the Jungle Wardrobe Department?

By the end of the video Perry wears a grass skirt and a leopard-skin top that reveals a lot of cleavage. Granted, a woman must have appropriate clothing for the jungle heat. But let's face it -- the point of the outfit is to show off Perry's body. Maybe her curvy body helps us associate femaleness with power. Nice idea, but I'm guessing that's not what girls hear. They get a mixed message. "You can do anything you set your mind to. But your value is also tangled up in your appearance."

I guess it's progress. In my childhood, many female leads were beautiful, but helpless. Today, some of them are beautiful and powerful. Let's hope we'll continue to advance, and one day rock stars will sing in the tropics without showing so much skin. A woman who tames the jungle while keeping her dignity -- that's a real tigress.

 

Aiding and Abetting

Are we fighting for the enemy?

A few months ago I mentioned the issue of how we talk to young girls. I want to follow up. As parents, teachers, and friends of girls, we try to plant the right ideas in their minds. We fight the messages we grew up with, the ones that tell girls, “It’s important to be pretty.” But are we guilty of conveying the same thing? 

Have you ever greeted a child with, "Hey, pretty girl"? What happens in her mind at that moment? Does she feel good about herself? Perhaps. It’s not always bad to compliment how a girl looks.

But when the first thing out of our mouths is a statement about her appearance, a girl learns that adults think being attractive is important. These comments pile up over the years, and their weight shapes the way she thinks. Every music video and magazine rack reinforces the message. On the Internet she can hear it at the click of a mouse. “You are your physical appearance. You are female, and nothing else matters for you.”

Here’s how to fight that mindset. Let the first thing out of your mouth be a comment on her interests, not her looks.

Is she on the playground? Ask, “What’s your favorite thing to climb on?”

Are you at her school or in the public library? Ask, “What do you like to read?”

Is she your neighbor? Say, “I see you walking your dog every day. What’s your dog’s name? Do you enjoy taking care of animals?”

These questions show her that we value her and what she thinks. She’ll start to believe us when we say there is more to her than appearance. Please keep this in mind the next time you interact with a girl so we can fight the lies of the culture.

Let’s stop unintentionally aiding and abetting the enemy.

Vashti's Valor

Vashti, Queen of Persia, does not get her due. And that would annoy Queen Esther.

You know the story of Esther, the Jewish young woman whose courage  saved her people. But you wouldn't know of Esther if it were not for Queen Vashti.

King Xerxes was throwing  a party and drinking too much, and he decided to trot out Vashti as entertainment. The king ordered her to put on her crown and display her  beauty to the guests. She refused. We don't exactly know why. But I suspect  that a woman with enough courage to disobey the king is the kind of person  who refused to be treated  like an object.

Xerxes' advisors warned that if Vashti was not punished, all the Persian women would follow her example and refuse to obey their husbands. Getting rid of Vashti was an attempt to keep women in chains, enslaved to men.

To replace Vashti, Xerxes chose Esther based on her beauty. But it was Esther's courage that saved the Jews from the evil intentions of Haman, Xerxes' second in command. However, if Vashti had not defied Xerxes, Esther would not have become queen, and countless Jews would have died.

It's as if God said, "You keep women in shackles and value them only for their physical beauty. But I raise up leaders whose true beauty is their valor."

God calls us to speak up, to fight forces that treat women as objects. It may be risky -- just ask Vashti and Esther. But God grants courage. Let's start breaking some chains.

 

Brave Girls

Sex sells. And you can use a woman's body to sell everything from
aftershave to vacation spots. Advertising feeds an undercurrent that says
a woman's purpose is to entertain a man with her body. In its uglier forms,
this mindset spawns strip clubs, prostitution and human trafficking. How
do we fight evil on such a scale?

Start at the source, which is disrespect for women. And don't lose hope,
because we've made great strides. Some media outlets have actually progressed in their portrayal of girls and women. Think of your favorite animated movie from the '60s or '70s. While the heroine was noble, she was in dire straits at the climax, waiting for her prince to come. Fast forward to the 2012 movie, Brave.  Merida is a teenage girl who excels at archery and refuses to be handed off to a husband like a trophy. Brave's creators paint girls as smart, athletic, and . . . well, brave.

That's important because ideas have consequences. Discriminatory attitudes about women lead to crimes against women. But even when crimes occur, all hope is not lost. Our allies in law enforcement fight alongside us with sting operations like the one this summer that captured 150 suspected pimps and rescued 105 children from alleged sexual bondage.

Even little things aren't so little. Are you a parent who fights to protect your children from Internet sites that degrade women? If you work with children, do you point out women leaders so girls know they can serve wherever they're called by God?

This blog is called Beauty Battlefield for a reason. When we fight together for justice, we're a force to be reckoned with. Where's your battlefield?

Media Monster

I quit. This blog is a waste of time.

"Lord, help me accept the things I cannot change." Where was that prayer

 when I started this? I try to help women believe in their worth as people  made in the image of God. I fight the culture's lies. But I'm battling a Hydra, the monster of Greek legend. It had nine heads and every time a warrior cut off one head, two grew back in its place. There's no killing it.

Lies are everywhere. From the time they are toddlers, girls are valued for their looks. We inflict damage every time we greet a child with,  "Hey, pretty girl." You disagree? When was the last time you said, "Hey, smart girl," to a child? Every comment emphasizing looks is like the steady drip of an IV into her veins. The message, "Physical beauty is paramount," is infused like poison. As we grow up, every grocery store magazine rack, every photo of a beautiful model flashing on an electronic billboard tells us we're not acceptable. And today we have a behemoth called the Internet where we can find negative messages at the touch of a screen. It's hopeless.

On the other hand, this blog is only possible because the Net exists. I can spread a message to hundreds of readers in minutes. And as a Christian do I dare discount the power of the Holy Spirit to change hearts?

I pray God would convict and heal people who make money by poisoning minds.  We have to monitor what our daughters (and sons) see and hear and fight back with messages that affirm.  I'll take all the supernatural help I can get.  O Lord, fry the motherboards of the enemy.  We'll know what happened if we're driving down the highway and one of the electronic billboards reads: "Hacking Courtesy of the Holy Spirit."

Beautiful Cinderella

Cinderella has been taking orders from her stepmother for a long time.  Turns out, little girls have heard the tale for centuries. In the book,

Glass Slipper, Gold Sandal, author Paul Fleishman says the story  may have originated in ninth century China, but versions are found  around the world.  Cinderella lives with a cruel stepmother who forces her to work day and night. Animals help Cinderella. I recall kind mice, but other girls would hear of a helpful snake (India) or sparrow (Germany).  Cinderella wears a lovely gown to the ball. Of course, in Japan she dons a red kimono.  And then there are the glass slippers. Except in Iraq, gold sandals adorn  her feet.

The story is popular because of its universal theme of wrongs made right. What's not to like?

Only this. Cinderella is good and beautiful, and her step family is cruel and . . . less than beautiful.  Every illustration I've ever seen shows the stepmother and sisters in an unattractive light. If I use the standards of my time and place, a beautiful woman has large eyes, a dainty nose, high cheek bones, and rather full lips. There's nothing wrong with being physically beautiful, and we admire Cinderella as much for her character as we do for her lovely face. But why must women who do not meet this standard be the villains?  Cinderella's stepmother is a conniving slave-driver -- and she's not beautiful. The stepsisters are selfish and lazy -- and not beautiful. Do I want to read my daughter a story that associates beautiful people with virtue and less-than-beautiful people with vice? She gets that message enough already -- that a woman's goodness and value are closely associated with physical beauty.

What if we tweaked the story -- remove all references to physical beauty and ugliness and illustrate the story so that all the characters are somewhere in-between -- not ugly but not ravishing beauties either. With the physical element neutralized, the focus would remain on character alone.

Our daughters would hear, "What matters is your character. Do you treat people with respect and kindness or are you cruel and selfish?"

Or am I taking this tale too seriously? "Come on, Wendy. Just enjoy the story and don't analyze everything."

We should enjoy the story and its magic. But I refuse to ignore its hidden messages, especially when they're directed at my daughter. Her value is not wrapped up in high cheekbones and large eyes.

I will keep the magic, of course. Because coaches and horses do turn back into pumpkins and mice at midnight. Hold onto that glass slipper, Cinderella. A happy ending and a shoe that fits: that's the beauty of a good story.