How Women Feel

In China the toughest men go to "Pain Experience Camp."
Want to know how women feel during labor? In Jinan, a city in eastern China, husbands of pregnant women volunteer to have a technician tape four electrodes to their stomachs. The flow of current ranges from a tingle at level one to an excruciating level 10. Men gnash their teeth and their eyes go bloodshot before the simulator reaches its peak. Contractions would actually equal a 12, so I guess they take it easy on the men. Not to mention that what the men are doing lasts a few minutes, not hours on end like real labor.

This is a great idea. Every expectant father should know how women feel while giving birth. There are other kinds of pain women feel that I wish men could experience occasionally, just so they'd understand us a bit better.

• Men (and other women) question our competency merely because we're women.
• People call us bossy -- or the other B word -- for being assertive.
• Men ignore us if we're not beautiful.
• On the flip side, it's a liability to be beautiful in the boardroom because men (and some other women) assume you can't be beautiful and smart.

These are generalizations. Not all men question our competency. Some strong, authoritative women are well-respected. (Margaret Thatcher, anyone?) Often, once coworkers get to know us, they look past our looks. And I can't blame men too much for the negative assumptions because it's what they've been taught. It's what we've all been taught.

Let's go back to the classroom and start teaching the right stuff. Assume that a woman is just as competent as a man unless you have reason to believe otherwise. Praise girls for being assertive. Don't favor or discriminate against women who are beautiful.

Then men will know what it's like to be a woman because it will be a lot like being a man. We women will still have to birth the babies, though. Having done that once, I thank God for epidurals. I didn't care if my anesthesiologist was male or female, as long as the epidural worked. And it did. Pain Experience Camp was over, and I was one happy camper.

Sex and Santa Claus

Sex and Santa Claus: Lies Your Parents Told You. One day I will write that book. Can you think of two subjects parents lie about more? Okay, I know many parents will say they don't tell lies about Santa. They just let their kids indulge in a lovely fantasy. 

So if this is about sex and Santa, what did you learn as a child about sex? What did they tell you about the origin of babies? When I was very young, my parents told me they prayed for a baby, and that's how I came to be in the womb. There's truth to that. Later Mom gave me a proper plumbing lesson.

We hear as many lies about the value of our bodies as we do about sex. Most of the lies are related to sex because we're told we are not desirable unless we have the right shape, height, and facial features. How do we stop believing the lies?

1. Stop ingesting the poison. Don't click on the site that you know will make you feel inadequate.

2. Talk to real men about it. What do they consider beautiful in a woman? Many of them will tell you something different from what the diet or make-up company is telling you. Then ask yourself, "Which one is selling something?"

3. Even a man's opinion is not the bottom line. The most important fact is that you are created in God's image and that you have intrinsic value. It may sound dry and theological, but only until you internalize it. After that it's still theological, but wet -- like water -- life-giving. Truth is that way.

Naughty or nice. Lies are naughty. Truth is nice. Just ask Santa.